Open relationships aren’t fringe anymore.
What used to be whispered about is now openly discussed at dinner parties, on podcasts, and across TikTok feeds. Roughly one in 25 romantic relationships in the U.S. is now consensually non-monogamous — and that number keeps climbing.
But here’s the twist no one glamorizes:
A surprising number of couples try it… and quietly return to monogamy.
Why?
According to Justin R. Garcia, executive director of the Kinsey Institute, interest in polyamory and swinging has surged since the mid-2000s. Yet many couples who experiment with openness discover that what sounds freeing in theory feels far more complicated in practice.
Here are the three biggest reasons couples hit reverse.
💥 1. The Emotional Bandwidth Problem
Let’s start with the uncomfortable truth.
Loving one person well already takes effort.
Loving two or more takes exponential energy.
Garcia argues that many people simply don’t have the emotional wiring or capacity to maintain multiple romantic bonds at once. That’s not a moral judgment. It’s a bandwidth issue.
Jealousy doesn’t magically disappear because a relationship is “open.” Attachment patterns don’t suddenly evolve because there’s a group chat.
Add multiple partners into the mix, and emotional labor multiplies:
More feelings to manage
More reassurance to give
More insecurities to navigate
For some, it’s exhilarating.
For many, it’s exhausting.
⏳ 2. Time and Communication Become a Full-Time Job
Non-monogamy doesn’t run on vibes. It runs on logistics.
Who needs more time this week?
Who’s feeling left out?
Who wants more affection? Less?
How are things between Partner A and Partner C?
Even casual arrangements require constant negotiation. Garcia emphasizes that extra communication isn’t optional — it’s survival.
And here’s where reality hits hard:
Most couples already struggle to communicate clearly with one partner.
Now multiply that by two. Or three.
Suddenly, the freedom feels like admin work.
🧨 3. Opening Up Doesn’t Fix What’s Broken
This might be the biggest misconception of all.
Some couples open their relationship hoping it will:
Reignite sexual chemistry
Solve mismatched libidos
Reduce boredom
Ease resentment
But according to Garcia, non-monogamy doesn’t cure existing cracks.
It magnifies them.
If jealousy was simmering before, it flares.
If communication is weak, it fractures.
If trust was shaky, it’s tested.
The same issues that challenge monogamous couples — insecurity, imbalance, unmet needs — show up in open relationships too. Sometimes louder.
That realization is often what sends couples back to exclusivity.
🌊 But Here’s the Nuance
This isn’t a takedown of polyamory.
Garcia is clear: consensual non-monogamy works beautifully for many people. For some, it aligns perfectly with their emotional structure, communication style, and values.
The keyword is consensual.
And the other keyword? Intentional.
When it works, it works because everyone involved is aligned, self-aware, and willing to do the heavy relational lifting.
When it doesn’t, it’s rarely because non-monogamy is “wrong.”
It’s because the structure exposed what was already fragile.
🚨 The Bigger Conversation
The rise of open relationships isn’t just about sex.
It’s about curiosity. Autonomy. Redefining what partnership looks like in a modern world.
But freedom always comes with responsibility.
For some couples, monogamy feels restrictive.
For others, it feels stabilizing.
And sometimes, you don’t know which camp you’re in until you test the waters — and decide whether to dive deeper or swim back to shore.
Because in the end, whether it’s one partner or several, the real work is the same:
Honesty.
Communication.
Emotional maturity.
Without those, no structure — open or closed — survives for long.
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