Parents often have the best intentions, but sometimes the things they say can unintentionally hurt their older child. These seemingly harmless remarks can leave emotional scars, especially when the elder sibling feels overshadowed by the arrival of a new baby. Here are four common things parents say that can deeply affect the older child.

1. “You’re the Big Kid Now. Set an Example!”

While parents want their older child to feel proud of their new "big kid" status, this phrase can actually create a lot of pressure. It suggests that the older sibling should always be perfect and responsible, which can feel overwhelming. The child might struggle with the burden of always having to set an example and never being allowed to make mistakes.

Impact:

· Creates unnecessary pressure

· Makes the child feel like their own needs are less important

· Can cause feelings of resentment

2. “Why Can’t You Be More Like Your Little Sibling?”

Comparing siblings is a classic mistake many parents make. While the younger sibling may be easier to manage, this comparison can deeply hurt the older child. It implies that the older child isn’t living up to expectations, creating a sense of inadequacy and jealousy.

Impact:

· Damages self-esteem

· Creates sibling rivalry

· Makes the older child feel unappreciated

3. “You Were So Much Easier When You Were Younger.”

It’s easy for parents to forget how much change their older child is going through as they grow, but comments like this can be damaging. Suggesting that the child was “easier” when they were younger can make them feel like they are now a burden or too difficult to handle. It can also make the older child feel like their growth is a negative thing.

Impact:

· Makes the child feel rejected

· Implies they are a burden to the family

· Can make them feel guilty for growing up

4. “I love You Both the Same, But the Baby Needs Me More Right Now.”

While parents try to reassure the older child that they are still loved, this statement often has the opposite effect. It’s true that babies need a lot of attention, but telling the older sibling they’re “less needed” can make them feel neglected or unimportant in comparison. It can create emotional insecurity, leading the older child to feel like they have to compete for love and attention.

Impact:

· Makes the older child feel abandoned

· Can cause sibling rivalry and insecurity

· Creates emotional distance between parent and child

Conclusion

Parents don’t always realize the impact of their words, but even well-meaning comments can hurt the older child. It’s essential for parents to be mindful of their language, ensuring that each child feels equally loved, valued, and important—no matter their age. Open communication and empathy go a long way in maintaining a strong, supportive family dynamic.

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