💣WHEN WELLNESS JUMPED THE SHARK — AND BRUSHED ITS TEETH AFTER
Los Angeles has done it again.
The city that turned green juice into a religion and crystals into career therapy has now turned toothpaste into a smoothie.
Yes, you read that right. Erewhon — the temple of overpriced wellness — has launched an $11 “toothpaste-inspired” smoothie that promises a “fresh, just-brushed feeling” in liquid form.
It’s called the Mint Condition Smile Smoothie, a collaboration with oral-care brand Boka.
And critics say it’s proof that wellness culture has officially swallowed its own fluoride.
🧴 THE $11 LIQUID TOOTHPASTE
Erewhon’s latest “innovation” combines:
citrus green tea,
coconut milk,
fresh mint,
mango, banana,
chlorophyll,
blue spirulina,
silica,
and a shot of caffeine —
then crowns it with cacao nibs and coconut flakes, as if that somehow justifies the concept.
The store claims it’s inspired by Boka’s Ela Mint Nano-Hydroxyapatite Toothpaste — which sounds less like a drink and more like something you keep under the sink.
But for $11, customers can now taste their morning routine instead of just performing it.
Because apparently, “minty-fresh exploitation” is the new wellness trend.
🧠 EREWHON’S OBSESSION WITH THE UNNECESSARY
Erewhon has built an empire on turning basic necessities into luxury statements.
It’s not a grocery store — it’s a museum of edible absurdity.
They’ve sold $20 smoothies named after celebrities, $19 almond milk lattes that taste like existential crisis, and now, a toothpaste drink that costs more than a real toothbrush.
At this point, Erewhon could blend tap water and trauma, call it “Emotional Clarity Elixir,” and the line outside would still wrap around Melrose.
This isn’t nutrition anymore. It’s performance art for the rich and unhinged.
🦷 “JUST BRUSHED” — OR “JUST SCAMMED”?
The company says the Mint Condition Smile Smoothie offers “a fresh, just-brushed feeling.”
But that’s also what you get for free — by brushing your teeth.
One TikToker summed it up best:
“It tastes like drinking mouthwash with a side of regret.”
Another user commented,
“I won’t be getting that one.”
Meanwhile, loyal Erewhon fans are calling it “refreshing,” “detoxifying,” and “totally worth the experience.”
Because in Los Angeles, you don’t have to like something — you just have to afford it.
🧃 THE CULT OF CLOROPHYLL
Erewhon’s formula is simple:
Add chlorophyll, spirulina, and a “clean ingredient” tagline — and anything, even toothpaste, becomes drinkable.
It’s the alchemy of wellness capitalism — transforming ordinary substances into moral superiority for sale.
This isn’t nutrition; it’s validation.
Every sip whispers:
“You’re better than people who shop at Target.”
And for that illusion, $11 feels like a bargain.
💅 THE CELEBRITY SMOOTHIE ECONOMY
Erewhon has made celebrity smoothies its unofficial currency.
In 2024 alone, it launched the “Short N’ Sweet” Sabrina Carpenter Smoothie, the Hailey Bieber “Glaze Skin” drink, and a host of influencer-inspired blends that turn personal branding into beverage art.
Now, instead of an influencer, they’ve collaborated with a toothpaste.
Maybe because toothpaste has better ethics.
🩸 THE TASTE OF PRIVILEGE
There’s something deeply symbolic about a store selling toothpaste smoothies during a cost-of-living crisis.
In a world where people can’t afford basic groceries, Erewhon’s target audience sips $11 “minty detox” drinks and posts about it on instagram with captions like “self-care is essential.”
It’s not self-care. It’s class cosplay disguised as health.
Wellness, at this level, isn’t about living better — it’s about signaling that you can afford to.
🧨 social media REACTS: “THE LAST STRAW — OR LAST TOOTHBRUSH?”
Across TikTok and Twitter, the reactions have been deliciously divided.
“It’s like drinking mouthwash with anxiety,” wrote one commenter.
“I feel like I should spit it out, not swallow it,” said another.
“Tastes like $11 worth of delusion,” one post read.
But others defended Erewhon’s creativity, calling it “experimental wellness.”
Translation: If you can’t critique it, call it innovation.
⚖️ THE REALITY CHECK
Erewhon’s Mint Condition Smile Smoothie isn’t just a drink — it’s a mirror.
It reflects everything wrong with the wellness industry:
Overpriced nonsense disguised as innovation.
A consumer base confuses exclusivity with enlightenment.
And a culture that believes health should always come with a filter and a markup.
This is not about mint.
It’s about money.
And the absurd lengths we’ll go to feel superior — one $11 sip at a time.
⚡ FINAL WORD: BRUSH YOUR TEETH, SAVE YOUR DIGNITY
Erewhon’s new smoothie isn’t wellness.
It’s the parody of wellness.
For $11, you can either:
Buy actual toothpaste,
Or drink it blended with spirulina and delusion.
The choice says less about health — and more about who we’ve become.
When wellness becomes indistinguishable from satire,
It’s not evolution — it’s elitism in a smoothie cup.
So, skip the Mint Condition Smile.
Brush your teeth.
And maybe — just maybe — use your $11 to buy food that doesn’t taste like fluoride.
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